End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
