Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
