weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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