then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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