Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
