hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
