She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
