Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
