They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
