After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
