he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
