We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
