I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
