god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
