well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
