Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
