Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
