You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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