I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
