I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
