and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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