i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
