I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
