I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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