I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
