I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
