What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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