How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Too much gin, very little bucket
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
