just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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