Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
