where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
