I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
