I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
