Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
operation have a gay friend backfired
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
