All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
