i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
