Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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