Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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