My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
