Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You ruined the universe
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
