Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
