Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
