I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
