It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
