he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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