I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
