SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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