sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
