your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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