haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
