if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
