we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
