Already got asked if we're dating
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
