is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
