Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
