Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
