the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
