how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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