i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
