sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
