he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Bring me that man meat
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
